I have never really believed that I have a comfort zone. I am typically the type of person who is able to adapt to a situation I am placed into and try not to have the walls of a "box" placed around me. Yesterday however, I found myself in a place for the first time in my life I actually thought to myself, for a very brief moment, "I can't do this". It was a quite odd and very unexpected situation, was not at all what I was expecting.
I have recently taken on a new job working with the MHMR community. A job that I believe I have allowed myself to possibly become excited about with hesitation; but in that brief moment yesterday, I thought "Lord, I can't do this."
I am dealing with a population of people who are forgotten, whom some would consider substandard. A population of people, whom at anytime any of us who are considered "normal" could actually join, due to a horrible accident or possibly a stroke; we possibly will join once we get older and have the disease process of dementia placed upon us. That's something we never really think about, that we too could join this group people whose standards of living are looked past.
My heart sank yesterday when I walked into a place where some of these people spend their day and I realized that with everything inside of me, there would be no way on God's earth would I ever even allow one of my own to even spend five minutes. I felt ill. And at that moment.........."I can't to this Lord". I felt tear's coming into my eyes and horrible retching grief in the depths of my soul, while I was standing there with a smile on my face for the people. I had found the limits to my comfort zone.
At that very moment I had to ask God to just help me make it through there, because truly...I didn't think I would. God was able to allow me in that moment look past the things that were causing me grief and focus on the people. He allowed me to see what I needed to take in for evaluation, but not for it to effect me emotionally. It was amazing. Now, I'll tell you this, once I stepped out that door...I wanted to kick some butt. ; )
In experiencing the things I did yesterday, my eyes have been open to some things I have never known, never even been exposed to, never imagine existed. It totally dumbfounded me.
I did get that God comes through in that moment when you think in the very depths of your being "I CAN'T DO THIS" and I'll tell you something...that is not my nature to think that way. But He came through.
I also got that God knows no comfort zones. He did show me in an instant that "whew...I think I have zones here", and then He took that zone away. Now, I bet in this job it will reappear. And I bet that God and I are going to having quite a bit of the moments of me walking in doors and being like "Here we go again God". But I know that He will again come through and take me out of a "zone" that I may walk into.
Know that God can take you out of those zones and is there to carry you through. Know that He is there in that very moment, all you have to do is shout out to Him and boy....yesterday...did I shout!
